One Last Time
by azkabcn
Summary: [You're in too much pain. And as much as you're my entire universe; as much as I love you, I don't have the power to take that pain away.] Sirius has stopped Remus before. He can stop him again, right? AU drabble.


'Sirius.'

I look up from the piece of parchment that I'm writing on to see Remus standing beside the table, wearing only his white shirt and black trousers. 'I'm going to do it.'

'Do wha—' And then it dawns on me what he means. 'No. No, I won't let you.' I stand from my seat and take his wrists. 'Why?'

He looks away from me. 'I can't do it anymore.'

I wrap him in a hug and he stands like ice. 'You listened to me before. I ask you to listen again. One last time.'

'One last time...' he repeats. 'You won't stop me next time?'

'Of course, I'll stop you next time. And the time after that. And after that. I will always be there to stop you.'

He finally melts, his head resting on my chest. 'I won't let you stop me. Not anymore. I'm _done_.'

He steps back and shoots a glance at the door. Seeing that it's closed and the room is empty, he rolls back his sleeve. 'They're going to get deeper tonight,' he explains, referring to the scars across his wrist, and I feel a jolt of pain at thinking about what it means. 'Or I'll jump off the tower. Either way, it's happening.'

'It is _not_.' I tell him firmly. 'Do you know how much I'd miss you? I _love_ you.' I hold his wrists again, staring at the dark red marks marring his skin.

'You'll get over it. I know you. Nothing affects you. You're Sirius Black.'

I gape at him. 'And Sirius Black will have the hardest time adjusting to the fact that Remus Lupin, his _boyfriend_ , is no longer in existence.'

His eyes fill with tears. 'Tell James, Lily, and Peter that I'm sorry. That I love them.'

'Moony, what about _me_? You can't leave me.' I'm near tears myself.

'I'm _sorry_ , Pads.' His eyes spill and he turns away again.

I close my eyes, trying to compose myself to the best of my ability. I take a minute to breathe. 'Okay,' I whisper. 'Okay I won't stop you.'

'You... won't?' he says quietly.

'No. Because this time it's different. This time it's... _real_.' My dam finally breaks. 'This time you've _really_ had enough. You're in too much pain. And as much as you're my entire universe; as much as I _love_ you, I _don't have the power to take that pain away._ '

'I'm sorry. You don't know how _much_ I'm sorry.'

He holds his hand to the back of my head and presses his lips to mine. I return his kiss, our _last_ kiss, trying my absolute hardest to memorize the slide of our mouths, the hotness of our breath, how I feel so at _home_.

It's over far too soon. We've both got tears streaming down our cheeks. 'I love you,' whispers Remus. 'So much.'

'Jump,' I tell him, my voice breaking halfway. 'Don't touch your wrists. It'll be quicker and painless. I don't want you to die—' (I wince internally) '—a painful death. If you're going to do it, then let me tell you this one last thing.'

'Okay. Okay.'

He walks to the door to the boys' dorms. He turns to me.

'What? Are you _serious_? Remus, I'm not going to watch you _kill yourself_. I'll be waiting at the bottom.' My voice inadvertently turns cold and I turn to the door of the common room.

'Goodbye, Remus. I love you most,' I say softly.

I run out of the room without looking back at him. I seem to fly down endless flights of stairs, down never ending hallways before the cold air hits me in the face and I'm outside Gryffindor tower. I don't stand by the window. I'm going to wait.

I finally have time to think about what's about to happen, and I finally break down completely. _Remus is going to die. Because he's in too much pain. Because I wasn't enough to help him._

Before I can think of anything further, I hear a nauseating _crack_.

I know it's happened. I know he's gone. Even so, as I run to check it out, I'm willing it to be something else.

But it isn't something else. It's Remus. He's dead. And he's all I can focus on.

I skid to a halt beside his head and drop to my knees. I turn his face up and retch at the tear stains lining his cheeks.

' _No_...' I rest his head on my lap. 'No, no, no, I should have stopped you. I should have been able to _save_ you. You should have let me help you.'

I thread my fingers through his cold, lifeless ones as my tears take me over. I vaguely hear footsteps and people and voices before my cries take me hostage and I'm unaware of everything but the man, the _dead_ man in my arms.

 _How am I supposed to let him go? I can't. Oh fuck. Teach me how to say goodbye. One last time._

 _Teach me how to say goodbye._

 _Teach me..._

* * *

 **Oh shit. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Fucking hell, I feel like a monster, jeez.**


End file.
